and ashley screamed;

this feeling.

dear god. the feeling I have everytime you touch me is like a wave of pure arousel. the way i feel whenever you have to leave me after things happen between us is even amazing. but the feelings I get in between are the most incredible. the way that for hours after you’ve gone i will still feel your lips on mine, i will now always feel your hands grabbing and guiding my hips taking pure possession of what you know is rightfully yours and guiding me into that rocking motion, the way your knee always presses into my core with that exact pressure that you know i need in order to be pushed over the edge, the way that when your hand finally did go between my thighs it slid directly to where you know i needed it most, the way i got to just look into your eyes as you balanced me on your lap, and honestly the most erotic part was just getting to watch you, my man, take me and how you guided me into everything. even though we did keep having to stop for awhile, tonight was much needed and right now i feel beautiful because your hands were on me, holding me where you wanted me.

being the significant other in this.

So, let’s get this out here. I am in love with a transguy, an ftm transgender. I’ve spent the past four years with this person as a girl and now I’m hoping to spend the rest of my life with him. Its not easy getting used to the pronouns of him his he when I’ve used her she hers for so long. Its not easy learning about dysphoria and knowing there’s nothing you can really do to make him not feel it. Knowing there is nothing you can do to make him feel okay in his body cause he is trying to pass as a male in a society where he was raised as a female. Its not easy for me or him. I still have so much to learn, so much research to do, so many lessons to learn and I know it is not gonna be an easy road but I’m not going anywhere and I know he won’t stop fighting to keep me as his. I now can sexually identify as bisexual cause I will date trans. I don’t care what’s going on body wise as long as I get to keep him.

butterfly…

honestly, i just want to curl up in a ball with a knife and a blanket, and never ever ever want to come back again. i feel so fucking terrible, about fucking everything..


they love me.. and that’s what i remember.

i can’t deal with the stress, the pressure, the annoyance, the ignorance. i’m so aggravated.. and honestly, i just can’t.. not right now.. i can’t.

it hurts.